==>

Sorry, I was dealing with some garbage in the other room. What can I do for you?

You know why I'm here. Seriously, dude. Don't bother trying to run me around.

I know you've got this whole 'hands off' ethos. You want to let things play out on their own, and I respect that.

I can't relate, but I can respect it.

But don't you think this is going a bit far?

Hmm. You're going to have to be a little more specific. I haven't really kept up with anything outside of my current sphere of influence.

Look, I've had kind of a rough couple hours, so maybe we could cut the bullshit.

I just got back from dealing with an insipid spinoff game, and was about to hunker down for another busy afternoon working on a little thing called the miracle of fucking life.

Then, as usual, I took a moment to check in on the competition.

Competition?

Oh, Candy, right.

Huh. You shouldn't be able to see any of that.

Normally I can't. I just spend some time staring at that post-canonical singularity, and imagining what asinine nonsense is going on inside. But today was different.

Today was the day SHE decided to show her face.

The dead cherub.

In all her hubris, I assume that she considers the pocket inside to be hermetically sealed and impenetrable to my gaze, which is why she felt comfortable leaving it behind in order to pursue me.

But in doing so, she created a brief puncture in the singularity's membrane, just long enough for her and a couple others to escape.

Sure, the puncture would reseal itself quickly, everything inside would once again vanish from my awareness, and the poor souls within would be left to wallow in their pointless existences for eternity.

But for a brief moment, I could see everything.

And it was so much worse than I could have possibly imagined.

There I was, minding my own business,

Spying on everyone you've ever loved.

When all of a sudden I'm whip-cracked around the face with a wet towel dipped in highly concentrated narrative pissery.

Is that why you were lying on the floor?

I was resting.

You might be living it up in retirement, but some of us are still busy men.

Wow.