Catnapped, Part 2

January 21, 2021

Crocker Cat-Napped

EARTH C PRESIDENT "DETAINED INDEFINITELY" BY GRINNING JASPROSE

FEFETA'S REACH — Jasprosesprite^2, the enigmatic combination of Creator and housecat, made her first appearance on Earth C since the planet's creation, and solved the mystery of President Jane Crocker's disappearance yesterday.

She broadcast a televised statement with the missing President Crocker from the throne room at Fefeta's Reach in the Carapace Kingdom, claiming to have returned to her rightful role as Queen and intending to reign. In this capacity, she announced her authority to detain President Crocker, declaring her election as null and void because of "gerrymandering or whatever."

In the bizarre message, Jasprosesprite^2 referred to the president as "cookie tits," and said, "She's getting a time-out for her own neoliberal good. Right-pointing angle bracket, colon, three, c."

In the Carapace Kingdom, where discontent rose over Crocker being elected president despite receiving only 31.6% of the carapacian vote, Jasprosesprite^2 was welcomed as queen immediately by numerous partisans, who had set about transforming the disused palace, now operational as a museum Mondays through Fridays, into a seat of governance.

Vice President Ataxia, now acting as commander-in-chief, addressed the press, stating Jasprosesprite^2's claim was illegitimate and anti-democratic. "All options are on the table for restoring the legitimate choice of Earth C's voters to office, and we hope officials in the Carapace Kingdom will comply in a timely fashion," said the Vice President.

The Vice President's selection by Crocker was seen as a compromise, with the former Troll Kingdom Senator providing troll representation in her administration. Ataxia is unpopular in his home kingdom. A recent New Prospit Hornographer poll found most troll voters disapproved of him, with his support for President Crocker's limits on troll reproduction proving controversial.

Swifer Eggmop, deputy of the brooding caverns, appeared to offer recognition to the claimant Queen. Though she did not address the press, she was seen entering the castle by news media, and a high-ranking carapacian official told the Hornographer that a meeting between Eggmop, Jasprosesprite^2, and President Crocker, still under house arrest in the palace, was due to take place this afternoon. Jake English and a representative of the new carapacian monarchist movement will also be present.

The carapacian regional government has yet to respond to a demand by Vice President Ataxia to dispatch military forces to the palace, but the legislature was called to an emergency session and will meet at the Old Post Office building near Fefeta's Reach to discuss the situation.

Little is known for sure about Jasprosesprite^2, with her existence not mentioned in Rose Lalonde's popular historical journals. Before her reappearance, she was regarded as a mythical figure by many, and debate raged as to the veracity of claims regarding her historicity.