DIRK: You’re welcome.
JAKE: But...youre dead!
JAKE: Yes you are i know that much. I saw your body! I carried your coffin chock full of all those stupid fucking swords!
JAKE: Dont nope me mister!
JAKE: I know a dead dirk when i see one!
DIRK: Sure you do. But that wasn’t me. Are you really surprised to find out I got a couple of spares?
JAKE: So what youre saying is you arent my dirk.
DIRK: ...That is a whole ‘nother conversation that we really don’t have time for, pertaining to exactly who or what ‘your dirk’ actually constitutes.
DIRK: Do you mean the Dirk from your timeline?
DIRK: Then yes, that Dirk is dead.
DIRK: If you mean the Dirk that you fucked and then ghosted, no, I’m not your Dirk.
DIRK: If you mean the Dirk that you felt closest to, that you really knew--
JAKE: I thought you said we didnt have time for this conversation!
JAKE: I just want to know how you can be here and also in the ground!
DIRK: You let a guy spend a couple decades as a dominatrix’s trophy husband and he forgets all about his old friends.
DIRK: Fuckin rough.
DIRK: What about the good times, Jake? What about when I almost made you shit your pants in front of a blue girl?
JAKE: Ahhh! Brain ghost dirk!
DIRK: In the ghosty flesh.
JAKE: Crumbs bro where have you been?
JAKE: I could have used someone on my side!
JAKE: You just disappeared one day without even the odd toodaloo to mark your passing!
DIRK: That isn’t strictly true. I did disappear, but it was in a catastrophic blaze of hope-drenched pathos. I even threw out a couple one-liners.
DIRK: But you wouldn’t remember that.
JAKE: Because...it was a different dirk?
DIRK: No, a different Jake.
DIRK: Until recently there’s been a shortage of ambient narrative relevance for Dirks, since one particular motherfucker has been sucking it all up like a thirsty little twink at his first interspecies rave.
JAKE: Cripes this is confusing.
JAKE: It appears that no matter what timeline were inhabiting i can count on you to be absolutely impenetrable!
DIRK: Don’t worry about it right now, it’s not important. I’m here, and that’s what matters.
JAKE: I suppose ill just have to trust you!